I still recall the day rather distinctly. 'Twas one of those treacherous rainy days, where the clouds threaten war all day, but basically jus make dirty, grey love all over the skies. This was the backdrop to my first formal debate, a routine house selection at that. And yet, just being there- one of the youngest in the group, the freshly minted 8th grader – had me nearly giddy in joy and anticipation. The topic was supposed to be on the spot, making it seem more real than it probably was. And lo behold, to cake all the lofty stuff my brain had baked, the topic was “Isn’t a b’day just another day?”
My slightly startled thoughts began reconvening, kids after a mock drill, slightly unsure of what jus happened. And then it happened. Like that one moment when after the lightening, how everything’s clear, i saw it. The people, their views, their stances (i was one of the later speakers) nearly the entire world made sense to me!
Now you might wonder what does it have anything with me taking my tiny place in the world’s cogs? Oh, but it does.
For, that debate was as much a revelation to me, as it was to those who heard. My teacher found her new bakra (Suryavathi ma’am, who’ll always be one of the nicest teachers i’ve known...and not jus for reading through my scrawls) , but what i found was bigger.
I found out how other people had coherent, beautiful views too *i’ve never been really modest, and always a bit nutsy, so that actually was a new thing for me* and that even in strife, how a lot of those can make sense, more so at times. I discovered the sheer joy of sparring with words, and how much of sway can they hold on me. But most importantly discovered contrary things and duelling views in myself. In a way that no other circumstances could ever produce. The joy of speaking, the thrill of rebuttal, among all these i found a completely different me.
Finally, getting to the point, i discovered my true stance on the topic, only because i heard, both the voices, and the adrenaline in my ears. i discovered i in fact found b’days to be wholly and completely ordinary, with no distinguishing feature to justify the hoopla. I say discover, because these were simple, naive times, when a debate truly meant a sincere attempt at reconciling two opposed ideologies. To bridge an intellectual chasm with carefully chosen words. And actually having the power to convert those stances too. When it actually was possible for you to concede a point only because you found it to ring true. A time when a debate was not a trophy.
Yes, i then REALIZED, as i deliberated over the issue, an honest intellect diligently looking for answers everywhere, that i really found the entire b’day hype slightly uncalled for. Which was rather disturbing as another adamant voice hollered “Cakes are GOOD!”,generating quite a ripple through a concept as sacred as the b’day party. In the fashion of someone very young, i went ahead and presented nearly exactly what i felt, earning my fair share of funny looks. But debates then held a sacrosanct covenant of sticking to what you feel, not what the motion read.
Which brings me here, a wholly neglected space on the eve of my 20th revolution around the sun. i might be smarter than to believe it actually was the sun going around me now, but i distinctly feel as daft as a mongrel at a pedigree cup. In short, like i felt at 4 whilst feeding cashews to strays, since the biscuits ran out. Senselessly, obscenely happy, gleefully unaware and mostly out to wreak havoc with all sortsa order and propriety. Balls, are a few ticktocks here and there gonna leave me wiser, nicer or remotely ameliorated. And, yet like that shadow right past the corner of your eyes, a certain dread seizes parts of my gallivanting brain. The dread of having played about way past playtime. Hence you find me here, gathering forces, thoughts and insanity. And allies perhaps.
Because 20, is just another number. And i’m jus an avaricious, sinsome mortal who just now found the taxi of time left its meter running. And that my wallet parted ways at the last intersection.
Because 20, is jus another number.
Jus a number.
*Mumber-wumbers.* *and hits the sack like a 2 year old who’s had enough fun for the day. *
Ps the author has been so spent the past 3 days, he was actually rather annoyed that his roomie wouldn’t answer the infernal knocking on his door at 7 ungodly AM...only to be greeted by him, AT the door...yes. I’ve now also locked out my roomie. In addition to myself. in the same business day. So i hope the minor indulgence of predating this post a tad isn’t frowned on too much.
Pps in light of the fact i’ll be in the UNFCCC at VITMUN, no longer are any papers harmed in the making of this blog.True, good straight to Blogger shooting.